In this double episode, Janet confronts the emotional task of slaughtering her calves, while Gordon explores a zoo where animals eat better than their keeper. Jessica Hynes joins Gordon for a culinary showdown, and chaos ensues with the Biggins brigade in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Gordon tests his skills as a line cook in a Dim Sum restaurant amidst a language barrier. Jo Brand’s vegetable curry competes with Gordon’s, and Mica Paris and family take charge as this show’s brigade.
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welcome to the FW it’s feeding time
after weeks of waiting I get to drink my
first fword pint or two oh Jesus look
that’s left over I teach comedian Rob
Briden how to shuck the perfect oyster
we’ve left half the skirt on the top of
the Shelf yeah I know I’m not a chef go
do some comedy you cheeky bugger and
it’s time for Janet to take her Vil
caraves to slaughter oh God they don’t
know they’re on death row do they
in the F bad cat my mother and I cat my
dad and I love my mother and I love my
dad want to have all that the never had
and the here the C my mother and C my
dad I love my mother and I love my dad
want to have all never
it’s the
B welcome are you Brothers competitive
are we are who’s the
youngest how many years 18 years
seriously we’re the only two children in
the family there’s a big gap there 18
years when I was 18 my mother told me
she was pregnant and I said don’t be so
stupid I mean the thought of one’s
parents still doing
it now tonight is not a rehearsal yeah I
want a best performance want know yes I
know no you’re not professional chefs
that’s clear but what you are is hungry
for Success right absolutely yeah this
is not a bush Tucker trial yes this is
real meet tonight’s family Brigade The
Bigs is head of the family
Christopher grew up dreaming of becoming
a chef tonight we’ll see if he’s made
the right career
choice what’s the matter we’re barely
the alien he’s drawned by partner Neil a
highflying trolley Dolly and a confident
cook
Chris’s brother sha who works in HR has
recruited wife Louise for backup as a
child minder I’m hoping she can keep
bigs in check this Primadonna will have
to cut back on the theatrics if his
family ought to stand any chance of
pleasing 50 hungry diners who expect
nothing but the best they’ll be cooking
pea mint and lettuce soup with Palmer
ham I’m excited Chef yeah you’re excited
I’m [ __ ] myself smoke paprika
chicken strogov with spat you’re
delusional I’m not delusional you’re on
drugs and vanilla cheesecake with berry
compt well done except
bigin fresh pea sup perfect this time of
year right pan of water on don’t put the
peas in unless the water’s boiling we’ll
lose the color we want that nice bright
vibrant green color of the peas mint in
peas in now every time we put something
in we add a touch of salt I’d rather
season small amounts as we go along
rather than one big Clump at the end so
you look at that very salty flavor
nicely seasoned that’s right but not
overs salted but not overs saled exactly
that as it comes up to the ball let his
is going to go in then we take them off
and drain them those cooking juices yeah
we want just like you’ve made a really
nice fresh pea stock into the blender
crem fresh in air just a touch a stock
and then lid on please be careful this
yet I don’t want it all over the [ __ ]
ceiling more importantly I don’t want it
over
you let it g momentum once it start to
break down pour more your stock back in
there right pure pure
puree and the reason why we pure so hot
it gets a lot finer if we the leave to
cool down a little bit and goes a little
bit lumpy and grainy we’ll go back into
the pan we’ll bring it back up to the
boil so we’re serving the soup piping
hot soup in nice thick Rich consistency
little bit of paham clear
taste so simp right any questions no are
we ready yes right guys The Bigs Brigade
yes I order four cups table three four
soup four chicken four cheesecake
that was as silent as a [ __ ] grave
I’ll call that out again on order four
cover Table Three yes four soup four
chicken four cheesecake yes oh my God oh
God that was
awesome I hope we all remember to wash
our
hands first rule of the kitchen did you
wash your hands in the jungle when
you’re eating kangaroo’s penis
though or did or didn’t that matter that
didn’t matter all right BS yes sir
you’ve been in 15 minutes you already
start talk about
cops Neil I’m excited sh yeah you’re
excited I’m [ __ ] myself so should I
put the L in down Chef as it boils
lettuce in is it four portions of these
oh [ __ ] it but that is okay guys go
please yes T
six right it’s a difficult day for Janet
Street
Porter for the past 3 and a half months
Janny Street Port has embarked on the
biggest challenge of her life hand
rearing two ve cares David and Elton in
a back Garden in North
Yorkshire
no stop guming me oh [ __ ] Janet’s aim
was not only to rear delicious meat for
the FW restaurant but also to persuade
the British public that we should all be
eating homegrown British Rosé
V but her campaign has also taken her on
an amazing journey
you look fantastic you do what do you
want she’s nurtured her cars through
rain and shine and with her care and
attention they’ve grown to five times
the original size now they’re at a good
weit for Slaughter it’s time for Janet
to cut the Aon
strings today is Janet’s last day of
motherhood at 20 weeks old it’s time for
the Cal to leave the comfort of Janet’s
back garden and meet their fate
yes come
on Janet’s been prepared from the
beginning for this day but how will she
cope when she has to say goodbye you
just want to lick everything don’t you
yes yes yes oh girl they don’t know
they’re on death row do they
obviously it’s a sad
day I actually don’t want to see them
being
slaughtered I would find that very
difficult you know I don’t have to prove
I’m match show I’m not as Macho as
Gordon Janet knows the slaughter will be
carried out in strict accordance with EC
and meat hygiene service guidelines but
she’s come to the abattoir to see what
that means for herself
hello
fellas hi
there Elvis and David no David and
Elon before David and Elton are
slaughtered Janet wants to see how the
process works having cared for them for
so long she wants to be sure the death
will be as Humane and respectful as
possible licensed Slaughter man Martin
McIntyre walks Janet through the short
final Journey the Cs will make come up
this Alleyway mhm and your Cales will go
up there yeah but we don’t yeah we
follow up
here
okay then we shoot them with a human man
killer stun gun so the shooting is not
killing them no it’s just
St okay yeah so they’re actually killed
by slitting their throat
yeah I just don’t want to watch you
shooting them or slitting Thro
unfortunately I just don’t think I could
right right this
one will Janet be a supportive mother to
David and Elton right up to The Bitter
End now You’ been married twice right
yes yeah first time to a lady to a lady
yes and then Neil and then Neil yes how
FAS how old were you got married the
first uh 2 really so young yeah you know
in those early days one thought it was
the right thing to do was to get married
you know and so mind that you gay at the
time of the wedding no she didn’t know I
didn’t know myself no you go color
that’s enough good nice Neil look at the
men Sean oh [ __ ]
unbelievable you working [ __ ] you cook
like [ __ ] but the food tastes great [ __ ]
[ __ ] hell table 7 Louise you got the
last two last two yeah so
last
go I think the PE andam souit worked
really really well um get a real flavor
of the peas up front and then like the
mint in it kind of comes in slightly
afterwards um great texture very very
soft almost like a volito it’s great did
you enjoy your soup it was gorgeous how
was yours my daddy not so good oh damn
what happened it was really thick really
thick just a bit too thick as it gets
cold it thickens down it was like it
tasted quite nice the flavor was nice
damn sounds like you’ve had the one made
by big yeah he
is right results let’s find out how you
did the number of customers are paying
for the soup
is 40 out of
50 now the 10 that didn’t pay reasons
being please bad consistency what else
um lack of mint flavor lack of mint lack
of mint somebody complained about mint I
want you guys yeah leaving at the end of
here with 50 out of 50 pain for the main
course and 50 out of 50 paying for the
dessert yes welome about the f word time
for the main cause chicken string
off normally done with beef but I’m
going to do it with chicken this is a
really nice light healthy approach to
stut and so simple to do chicken breast
slice smoked paprika and gives it a
really nice Oak Smoky flavor salt pepper
rub across the
chicken hot pan olive
oil the most important part now is just
lightly saing the chicken giving it a
little bit of
color
rest vegetables onions
Peppers
garlic
mushrooms the secret here is we’re
soting the vegetables off in the same
pan as the chicken gently infusing the
vegetables white
wine
reduce chicken stock sour cream chicken
sugar snaap peas
parsley rest and to finish it off is
this little baby here SP
basically the German’s pasta it’s light
it’s fluffy but more importantly it’s
got to be crispy
season hot pan olive
oil as it hits the pan it puffs up gets
nice and light
butter Str
off that has to be the perfect stro off
smoke paprika chicken sh off with
spet
done look at that chicken it’s [ __ ]
black which one that one
there oh
dear what’s the matter we’re burning the
alen no no no no no no no hey would you
serve that no would you serve that no
[ __ ] uh come on guys very nice Sean
make sure they’re all even yes thank
Chef yeah good there you go we got the
heat back in the awfully well Che here
right now we got the heat back in the
pan okay we start losing the heat we’ll
boil the chicken we boil the chicken is
no
flavor right next on the menu a bit of
Monkey
Business I’ve come to London Zoo to meet
Hannah to tell her to stop monking
around when it comes to her
diet Hannah has worked here as zookeeper
and animal nutritionist for the past
four
years my’s job here is mostly to look
after the um the primates so all the
monkeys and the Apes good
morning yes each day Hannah prepares
peanuts and meal worms for the squirrel
monkeys The Chimps get fresh papaya the
mama sets banana and Bobby the
Silverback griller enjoys a Sumptuous
spread of seeds fennel and curly
Kale like most of her charges Hannah
doesn’t eat meat but she’s not looking
after herself half as well as the
monkeys and it’s beginning to
show I’ve recently um got a gluten and
dairy intolerance so every day at work I
basically have the same thing um it’s
either gluten-free pasta with pesto or a
baked
potato pastor and baked potatoes every
day Hannah’s clearly not getting enough
Variety in her restricted diet and I
think her main problem is lack of
protein Hannah good morning how are you
I’m very well thank you it’s like a
blown up version of anti-al Thompson
there the diet is crucial yes absolutely
vegetable intake vitamin C know protein
yeah and that balance is the most
important part yeah absolutely when was
the last time you sat down to a really
good piece of meat uh a good good three
three and a half years ago any reason I
think having started at the zoo you kind
of start to get a different outlook on
on the on how animals are treated and
the sort of meat that you eat um I’ve
always been I was always careful about
what meat I ate before so you would eat
meat if it was you know probably RAR
organic AB
so Bobby the Silverback griller is a
great example of what a healthy balanced
diet can do for you know that that is
absolutely incredible Bobby there we go
he’s having his he’s having his fruit
tea now fruit tea I’m surprised he’s not
El
gr it’s lunch time for Bobby and the
other animals so Hannah and I are off to
make
it right this is our cutting up room
this is like a prep room for a
restaurant in here you got the frizzy
lettuce cabbage C lemon peel all spice
this is a joke isn’t it a avocados we’re
serving avocados as well no it’s good
for them it’s very you know obviously
it’s essential fatty acid and would you
like it turned into a guacal or would
you like we do make guacamole oh you
make guacamole from them as well and
avocado prawns avocado crab or spinach
chickory fret Iceberg fennel spinach
broccoli we’ve got michy starred
monkeys I’m I’m stuck here you are yes
not looking after yourself the grillers
are getting baby gem lettuce absolutely
you’re sping them not you are baby gem
lettuce no one is a [ __ ] shortage for
the restaurants I know Bob eat them
all I’m going to cook Hannah a
deliciously healthy dish using the same
ingredients she feeds Bobby The Gourmet
griller with no dairy or gluten just to
show you that all the stuff you’re
working with down there yeah can be
equally as exciting for you first up Co
law don’t lose any nutrients through
cooking raw is more
ciac carrots and cabbage are all packed
with vitamins and fiber and give the
dish a delicious
crunch I love the Smoky bitterness of
chory and it’s very low in
cholesterol going to make the quick
vinegarette so 2/3 olive oil 1/3 sesame
seed oil yeah a little bit of
mustard okay poppy seeds just a
tablespoon makes a great contribution to
your daily calcium
needs l lemon juice and parsly help the
digestion of proteins and
fats they also taste
great and then uh vinegar in within 3 or
4 minutes the seasoning is going to
start breaking down the co
slore and now for my Wild Card Hannah’s
fed up with her unbalanced boring
gluten-free diet she may not have eaten
meat for 3 years but now she thinks
she’s ready to give it another go so I’m
throwing her in at the deep end with a
delicious protein Rich steak um this is
the kind of beef it’s reared um in ASA
yeah it’s fed on grass in the summer uh
swedes and turnip in the winter so it’s
a proper organic beef when I did eat
meat I would try and eat organic I don’t
like the way animals are mass produced
no I stand strong on that one nor do I
how do you like your beef how do you
like it cooked medium yeah yeah fine so
we’ll cook it me I
remember okay for the dressing shalot
I believe that good quality lean meat is
a key part of a healthy diet so I’m
hoping this dish will help Hannah back
on the road to
recovery turn over the steaks a
delicious Tagan dressing should make her
first fet steak in years a little easier
to deal with so it’s quite a spicy
marinade targ we just cut
once Le faster give it a stir and add to
the steaks delicious what we’re going to
do is spoon that over so as the beef
starts to cool down down it absorbs all
that
amazing
flavor finally finish the coastal with
coriander and is ready to
go there’s yours
medium I can’t believe you can put so
much different flavors and tastes just
into COA a COA I quite managed to uh
take on the
beef you put the most amazing energy
into looking after these animals so you
need protein yeah absolutely a good bit
of salmon do you think or something
salmon works perfectly just not quite
ready for the uh for the red meat don’t
you worry about that I’ll use
it what’s the matter we have quite some
complaints over the saltiness in the
dishes complaints about what salt too
much salt hey guys the dining room are
complaining about the seasoning I
haven’t done any season we aren’t
putting any I haven’t touched salt you
haven’t touched salt no when you season
the spula how are you seasoning that
small amounts no nothing at all nothing
at all no nothing
sh I I promise you nothing okay okay
let’s go have about I’ll take it Sean
make sure it’s spotless yeah sure
yes bins you’re eating and the [ __ ]
customers aren’t I thought we were
finished no we’re not [ __ ] finished
come on guys we can do this yeah let’s
go can do it yeah last table Yeah you
got the crem fresh or the uh come on
come on cream there baby chicken back in
mix that in got six there bab well done
got the mushro serious
guys [ __ ] for Sean and
Louise Sean thank you for a [ __ ] good
effort bigs you were [ __ ] halfway
through I told you about the season
customers complaining about being sold
I saw you Clump salt I swear on my life
I never touch Sal in that you never ever
touch Sal if God strike me down there
who SE in the speci then I have no idea
I never touched seriously if I had put
sorted I would have told you I am not a
liar you’re delusional I’m not
delusional you’re on drugs why are the
customers complaining it’s salty then
well I don’t know because it must have
been from some there was I put no
[ __ ] salt at all in any of that yes
you do oh no I
didn’t close the [ __ ] curtains will
you
yeah Rob hey how you doing good to see
you welcome welcome welcome en join the
food yeah loveely and you enjoy wine yes
you didn’t start actually drinking until
you were in your 30s right no I I grew
up and I never I never drank and it’s an
odd thing and I don’t know why that
means you must have been Stone sober
when virginity that I didn’t think we’re
going to get on to this um yes yes I was
yes I was any regrets yes no good God
she’s probably watching was it I hope so
she was one of the best teachers at that
school and I’ll tell you what that
tribunal came down on her too hard you
at the same school as Katherine Caesar
Jones I was yes was she trying to get
off the teachers back then uh looking
for that older figure in she she used to
come in with the Streets of San
Francisco on VHS and look at this this
guy’s really hot this man is fantastic
look The dimple he’s got there favorite
foods to eat what do you enjoy most I
adore oysters how important is it with
an oyster that it has the the juice
still in it crucial and I never eat an
oyster unless it’s stuck to the Shell
when they’re released and they’re put
back in they could be from a different
shell so you need it serious you think
someone would do that well sometimes
they do they clean the shelves they put
the dishwasher and then they get the
oysters from other shelves and stick
them in there what what criminal
mastermind would do something like that
absolutely shocking we’ve taken them now
we put them in the other
shell hold that for I’ve got a very
special treat for you all right come
with me oh okay yeah you’re a big fan of
oysters yeah look what I got for you
okay he was acquitted on all charges
remember and he should be allowed to
perform
again I hear yeah you’re a [ __ ] good
shocker I’m a hell of a shocker show me
one you go in that end oh [ __ ] here is
the muscle the menu in there yeah that’s
where it’s prize that’s the thin end so
as you go in it’s brittle it breaks the
shell and you get all these bits of sh I
did 12 like that last weekend at the
wrong end at the wrong end yeah now the
secret is yeah release the muscle in
twist and pop off I’ve got it I’ve got
it I’m in good you’ve left half the
skirt on the top of the Shelf yeah I
know it’s my I’m not a chef go and do
some comedy you cheeky
bugger right there we are done okay okay
good little tip plate tin foil okay and
you get them there and you just sit them
in the tinf and it keeps the oyster up
it doesn’t lose its juice you know what
I normally do though is I put some
crushed ice on the plate is by the time
you’ve open [ __ ] three well at my
speed we’re going to have a shock off
yeah okay we’ who can guess the winner
of this how many we trying to get
through we’re going to get through the
whole train together ready steady steady
go go here we go twist slow down away in
in twist and twist up keeping all the
juice in where’s that
gone in I’m in twist I’m not popping
come on Rob come come on come on come on
come on it’s really
close in
twist and
in we’ve got an offly I’m in I’ve done
it I’m in good man good man good man
good man in it in push it I’ve done the
second one come on rob you should be to
twist the knife once the point’s in and
release the muscle release your muscle
I’ve released my muscle see I’m catching
yes
catching he is catching up hold on a
minute
[ __ ] he’s in again Uncle Brin is
coming back uncle Brin is coming back
I’ve got five oysters and
snow let’s go oh look who’s winning
let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s Go’s
win two left
in [ __ ] I going be beat by Rob see how
easy is to release the muscle oh my God
look at
that last one come on oh yeah with that
with
with he
finish 4 68 2 4 6 eight yeah all right
hold on you pinched one from mine didn’t
youy that was very good thank you very
[ __ ] good shucker you know that
you you can sh the Wales
the stroganov was very salty it
overpowered any other flavors that were
there how was the main course really
salty really salty damn I’m so sorry um
chicken or the veg um no the veg I
thought it was really tasty to be honest
are you paying yes I am paying and five
of you aren’t right you are was very
generous it was still very well I’m so
sorry it was salty thank you patient
thank you very much the strok was very
good chicken was really soft um you
could really taste the smokiness of the
paprika um the sauce was very rich it
was um really Lov a dish right result
make okay the amount of guests that paid
yeah out of 50
is oh
Jesus Jesus I can’t even call that out
17 that is the worst we’ve ever had
no
really guys I’m here for Perfection and
that you’re shocking what do they say
well the majority over salty so to Salty
yeah can we come back for dessert yes
right it’s recipe challenge time Jessica
Hines is taking me on with her macaroni
and cheese yes first of all good to see
you tell me about macaroni cheese
macaroni cheese start with macaroni yes
it’s a form of pasta case you didn’t
know that pasta type of pasta why have
you chose Macar and cheese because it’s
delicious it’s easy to cook my kids love
it I feel quite cooking it now you know
the blind tasers aren’t children today
don’t you this is actually slightly more
adult version and what makes it an adult
version what is it well it’s got onion
in it o nice onion gr onions if you
don’t like that you might not like this
suggesting making macaroni and cheese of
course I’m going to do macaroni cheese
this one’s going to be done with um
wonderful zuro mushroom so a bit of a
wild mushroom thing going on are you
going to do any work today or you going
to listen this is just you know I’m
chilling here I’m just making we’re just
watching you macaroni cheese is is a is
a dish that you make when you have lots
of children so normally I’d be going no
stop it what like come here come here
that’s why it’s a good recipe you’re
just boiling the macaroni cheese there
you grew up in a bit of a sort of hippie
household what kind of things did you
eat lots of lentils and yogurt right
lentils and yogurt my mom used to make
bread but you’re not a vegetarian are
you I was a vegetarian after my son was
born I just went off eating meat
actually oh really welcome back and uh
no I got pregnant with my with my
daughter yeah and and I didn’t even know
I was pregnant I was 2 weeks pregnant
and I was at barbecue and there was a
big plate of spare ribs and I would have
eaten the person
yeah standing in front of the spare ribs
if that’s what it took to get to them I
Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant at the time
amazing and then when when I saw the
spare ribs yeah my intense desire for
the spare ribs made me think I’m
pregnant I must be pregnant
extraordinary amazing yeah macaroni half
cooked and then I’m just going toaz the
pan touch the white wine and start
making a really nice white wine cream
sauce my white sauce is is basically
like anybody else’s white sauce which is
just melt the butter put the flour in
Stir It Up up and then I add for this
not too much but just a couple of
pinches of jerk seasoning which is kind
of caraban seasoning no flour my white
sauce just cream shalots and Thyme and
Geral wow bring up to the boil and then
I’m going to thicken it with this
amazing cheese I’m using sron cheese
which is quite sort of Rich um very um
slightly salty but absolutely delicious
perfect for macaroni and cheese so how
did you start off in comedy how did you
get into it well I um I I was always
being picked for Comic roles at school
like we had a couple of teachers they
used to write us these little sort of um
plays so I just kind of thought oh I can
maybe I didn’t do this there’s a lot
less female comedians than there are
male comedians why is that I think it’s
more important for them to think they’re
funny so yeah which is weird no yeah I
think it’s CU men just think they’re
funny Jess you know that that’s true too
you know in terms of that level of
arrogance maybe women aren’t as funny as
men I don’t think that I don’t know I’m
wondering maybe that’s why no okay so
cream has reduced down now to this
really nice mushroom creamy sauce season
it with chives and then egg yolk in that
will help it sort of glaze in the oven
as it bakes parmesan cheese then we’re
going to add the macaroni back in the
cream bake and then
win I’ve just made a white sauce nice
and slowly and now I’m um grating Red
Onion so the onions going
you can sweat the onion off very quickly
if you no sweat it you’re going it
sweats when it cooks and that’s the
point the point is you want a little bit
of the onion you don’t want onion oh
onion and then finally rest the macaroni
in now grated cheese on the top that’s
it forito I’m going to win right so they
both go in the oven now top of where do
I put it at the top the bottom go I
would like it to go there okay no
actually where you going to put yours
God I’m just asking where you going to
put your all he coming out you ladies
first you go first where are you putting
yours hey I want to put mine there too
can they both go there of course I can
okay of course I yeah I’m not I’m
my good luck you are so competitive you
know that huh right it’s time to bottle
my special F-word
beer two months ago I set off on a
mission to find and Bre a beer that
would complement Janet stre Porter’s ve
it’s a very mellow creamy Rich beer that
is delicious that I could then Brew in
my own back Garden super sweet great
that is incredible you know we’ve got
some nice hops we’ll get a lovely smooth
creamy flavor to the beer that’s like a
witch’s potion when you stir it a
witch’s potion excuse me hey this is
your dad’s very own beer let’s hope this
[ __ ]
works [ __ ] it N9 Days Later The Brew was
ready to be transferred into an oak
Bourbon Barrel where it spent several
weeks absorbing the Barrel’s unique
caramel flavor the barrel this is where
all the flavor comes from so we’re going
to put the beer in here for 30 days and
it’s going to transform it add a lot of
Oak character bit van we just need to
pump it into the barrel now y so I’ve
brought these staves just to show you
this is a part of an oak barrel right
right it’s been used for bourbon before
they fill it with bourbon they Char it
they fire the inside Inc and that’s why
you’ve got this black coloration is
charcoal Sur it would make the beer
darker though no no no it doesn’t make
the beer darker it actually takes a bit
of color out and you can see this layer
here is where the bourbon has previously
soaked into and it’s changed the flavor
of the wood in there so that now when
our Beer’s going in here that flavor
that’s in there comes leeching out and
goes into the beer and that’s where we
get the sort of vanilla the creamy
character of this
beer ah to get it all canny Scottish
trick there tip the barel come on get it
all only Scotland get that one right
down to the last for come on you
bastard Jes I think that’ll do us the
smell is amazing it’s sort of bisc
creamy for unbelievable I mean it’s just
getting better and better and better
this is going to really change things
really transform it there we go 2 months
later the beer is ready to be bottled
and
drunk a house Prana has had to put up
with a lot over the years and has drawn
the line of me building a beer bottling
plant in the garage FY hell so dugall
and I wait out a view of my house to
meet a man with a mobile bottling
solution [ __ ] so this guy has got a
bottling line on the back of this Lorry
so this thing’s mobile travels around
the country botling beer yeah
unbelievable my God I can spot the
barrel bloody hell this mobile bottling
unit will cool and filter the beer
removing any remaining yeast and then
carbonating it to give it a light Fizz
my first ever bottle homemade Brew it
needs to be perfect it’s too late to
start
over oh it’s [ __ ] delicious Brewing
my beer in the whiskey soaked Oak Barrel
has really paid off extraordinary next
one my very own beer the flavor will
work brilliantly with Janet’s be so the
exciting thing now will be coming up
with a ve dish that can match that you
got something to Bas there yeah
absolutely flavor
absolutely oh Jesus look that’s definit
over I feel like in [ __ ] Willy Wonka
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I
think we’ve got a unique homemade
bottled beer there don’t you yeah I’m
looking forward to something that I’m
very happy with I can’t wait to see the
feedback in the dining
room beautiful what a process and can’t
wait to taste it alongside the veil now
one more job the labels I think I’ll get
the kids involved with that here it is
look at that that is our very own yes
home brw homemade beer what does it say
Jack a traditional L aged in a whiskey
barrel for a smoother finish grew in the
Ramy Family Garden London 2008 how cool
is that yes how cool is that try and
keep them all nice and straight okay J
is very good nice daddy is this one okay
show me
yeah show me m it’s personal touch it
look Madam got yeah yeah that is
terrible you got air bubbles in there as
well M dear dear well at least they’re
individual aren’t they daddy it doesn’t
really matter look at that beautiful put
your tongue out put your
tongue okay
enough back out of rehab by 12
y the kids approve but what will the
diners think when I serve my beer with
Janet’s ve I’ll find out in 2 weeks
time make sure your cream cheese is soft
before you start adding your cream
otherwise it’ll be a nightmare to
mix sugar in and another pan on there
Sean and start the camera oh yes right
time for dessert vanilla cheesecake with
berry
compost a really nice exciting quick
cheesecake served with a strawberry and
blueberry compost
biscuits
Blitz hot pan Sugar We’re Going to form
a really nice light golden caramel
butter as the butter dissolves put in
your
biscuits coat the biscuits in the
caramel they become really nice and
crunchy
cool berry compa hot pan
sugar
strawberries
blueberries and look what’s happening
now you got that really nice caramel
texture DET lays the pan with this
little baby a creme the Cassis giving it
a really nice dark
texture
cool cheesecake cream cheese in ban
vanilla icing sugar to sweeten up the
cream cheese
mix
lemon cream
whisk we going to fold the cream into
the cream cheese
fill Biscuit Crumbs to release the
cutter heat around the outside of the
Ring blow torch very gently
compt Touch of mint that has to be the
perfect quick delicious vanilla
cheesecake vanilla cheesecake with berry
compost
done okay be careful those plates don’t
get too hot begins yes sir for me let’s
take this really serious yes yes you end
on a high yeah and we don’t look [ __ ]
stupid yes okay sir thank you well done
short change PA of me the end with the
with the topping make sure those rings
are full yes otherwise you take out the
Cutters they look [ __ ] Neil fill your
ring
up bigs yes sir you can see why I take
this seriously this is my career yes I
know I take it very seriously I want to
[ __ ] on a high yes careful cuz I’ve
got the I’ve got the weapon here just be
careful yeah you be careful and
concentrate [ __ ] concentrate if you
leave concentrate harder right berries
on okay guys nice and smart yes simple
dessert simple presentation we can’t
[ __ ] this up begins Min in and send
absolutely spotless and send no we got
to clean the plate
first what we can do this let’s get all
50 how long you you been married since
2006 how long we together as a couple
how long 14 years H only 14 years what
has he taken serious nothing he just
can’t take anything serious
unreal Sean lovely absolutely spot
on help over here mint and wipe the
plates please Chris good to see you’re
busy [ __ ] too many cooks for the broth
that’s right yes meanwhile Chris is
busting his ass un [ __ ] real go well
done except bigs huh well done G right
back to Jenner Street Porter and trust
me this one is not for the squeamish
David and Elton Janet’s two V cares are
about to be slaughtered but Janet is not
sure she can bear to see them killed I
just don’t want to watch you shoot and
all slit in the throat unfortunately I
just don’t think I
could do you ever have farmers who can’t
face watching it at
all
no David’s time’s up first and as he’s
led into the stunning box Janet has a
change of heart and decides she wants to
stay with him to the end she’s been to
abbatar before but never to see the
slaughter of animals she’s reared
personally the slaughter of cattle in
the UK is governed by strict guidelines
and can only be carried out by licensed
slaughterman like Martin McIntyre he’ll
ensure the animals have cause minimal
stress and make the kill as quick as
possible okay yeah fine
the captive bolt renders David heavily
stunned from this point he won’t feel
anything the blood’s drained from the
body before they process the carcass you
okay the stunning was fine the blood
flitting I could do without if it starts
to Twitch it’s just
nerves now it’s time for Janet’s second
calve Elon
now the carves are gutted the parts of
the carves that can be eaten are
separated from those that can’t you want
them
what bollocks no thank you it’s only got
one [ __ ] oh which one only have one
[ __ ] Elon David David only have one
ball yeah
l oh it’s disgusting
lungs oh wind P very healthy obviously
wasn’t a
smoker Jan’s time as a farmer is over
and it’s time for the ve to be
prepared the cars will be hung for up to
10 days to improve the flavor before
David’s enjoyed by Janet’s friends in
North Yorkshire and elton’s delivered to
the F-word restaurant
Jenny how are you my darling fine thank
you you’re looking very countryfied did
you knit that no I [ __ ] didn’t knit
it okay it’s a designer item bit like
your hair Jesus Christ now Elon and
Davis are officially they’re dead gone
they’re slaughtered and I thought before
I went to the slaughter house I didn’t
think that I could even go in the
building what helped you change your
mind I was persuaded by the slaughter
house itself because it’s a very small
uh family business it’s in the middle of
the oire dials and quite honestly if
animals are going to be sorted that’s
the way to do it personal it was
personal and it seemed to be part of the
environment did you have any second
thoughts about not sending them and
actually pulling one back and saying
hold on get out there no because Gordon
they were never pets they were always
reared to make a point about field look
at the size though the carasses look
magnificent they look really good the
animal inspector said they were top
quality meat it’s made me want all the
meat that I eat to have had a decent
life and I just don’t know how anyone
watching this program can quite frankly
go and buy cheap nasty meat you just you
think you know you owe it to yourself
and you owe it to animals to make sure
that you know where that meat came from
and how it was real one last thing just
a little present from me something to
sort of remember them by enough just for
you for your kitchen wall above the AGA
oh that’s lovely is that nice yeah and
good luck and you notice the
dribble that’s what I all remember D
[ __ ] it’s a dribble and knit me a jumper
sometime when you got
time right time for the blind tasters to
taste both macaroni and cheeses okay
nice generous portion nice generous
portion okay bearing in mind they are
quite fussy are you happy with yours by
the way yeah I’m very very happy with it
there we go right I like this bit this
it gets really exciting which one would
you choose which one visually macaroni
cheese there that’s macaroni cheese that
I don’t know what that is right Jose
come back with the right result yes if
you want a job next week good luck yes
good luck you’re going to need
it hello so here we have our first and
the second dish lovely
enjoy quite
salty the cheese is quite strong it’s
got quite a strong flavor that comes
through I quite like the the fact that
the pasta is not not too overdone this
is still quite quite firm really
enjoying that it looks great this one
yeah I really like the mushrooms in
there it adds quite a strong flavor and
the cheese is different I think it’s a
gonzola or something blue okay right
here we go right Jose come in was it the
raw onion or was it the wild mushroom
well they like both they like both oh
dear don’t like me tell me that okay
come
on Gordon one
yes I honestly thought you was going to
win the Jer seasoning and the white
sauce it’s because I forgot the ketchup
garnish yours was delicious come on the
kids are going to love it it’s and I
think it’s 10 times better than dea’s
thanks a lot thank you it’s been a
pleasure having you in the kitchen yes
it’s been a pleasure being here than
than for the tip thank you chicken stock
cooking the macaroni yes yes
bye cheesecake was fabulous it was a
really good combination of sort crunchy
biscuit base um the actual cheesecake
bit was really nice and light and creamy
with s all sort vanilla through it and
the fact that this fruit was still quite
warm really made it superb oh dear what
the fruit compet was gorgeous yes the um
the actual cheesecake it was almost like
a poorly flavored panacotta it wasn’t
didn’t that that cheese taste to it
poorly flavored
panacotta taste it
g you must be with me on there yeah it
needs more ice and sugar there yes
you’re definitely not paying for
it right Jose let’s go results please
now let’s see how you did the number of
customers going to p pay for
dessert 32 out of 50 18 didn’t pay tell
me own up tell me didn’t there’s a lot
of them out there why Josie why not
sweet enough not sweet enough sweet that
was the main not sweet enough cheesecake
should be sweet did you keep on tasting
it yeah before it went in the cutter
yeah it was
delicious that’s a grand total of 89 out
of
150 that is [ __ ] Neil yeah they W be
coming back begins well don’t say
anything just [ __ ] off out my K get out
out all of out out out out out no Don’t
Clap they were
terrible [ __ ] out
hello oh my God tonight’s recipes are
all on the website visit it I can assure
you they’re all easier than Biggs made
it look thanks for watching good night
welome it’s going to be hot in the
Kitchen tonight as Misha Paris and her
family battle it out to become my best
performing Brigade okay guys you all
falling as sleep you got to wake up
again by cooking a three course dinner
of mackerel and warm potato salad a
mouthwatering pigeon Castro and a
gorgeous strawberry
Glory plus Janet gets ay with the
British public oh yeah just like
yourself say in it what you mean just
like my
size right get rid of him and I go back
to the floor to learn how to make one of
the greatest of all Chinese Delicacies
dimsum I’ve never been in a kitchen
where I’ve never been in control so this
is really [ __ ]
weird the was bad C my mother and I C my
dad I love my mother and I love my dad
want to have all I never had the F was
here the F was cuz my mother and I C my
dad but I love my mom I love my dad want
to have all never
had right the Misha Paris family how are
we my daring good to see you baby Cherry
how are you swee yeah now who’s the
oldest a oh bless how are you sweet I’m
the baby nice to see you
how are you you and I are outnumbered
Big Boy Yes three Divas against two
talented Cooks yeah basically we’re
[ __ ] meet tonight’s Brigade The Misha
Paris
family so Diva
Misha is joined by big sister Paula a
hairdresser these two love to cook
almost as much as they love to
fight dad Trevor a retired chauffer
worked as a chef in his 20s can he still
cope with the fast pace of a
professional kitchen
and Mom Cherry a retired secretary
claims she’s never messed up a meal
let’s hope it stays that way there’s no
room for Divas this family must pull
together if they’re going to get out 50
perfect
dishes okay I’m going to show you how to
do the St yes pan fried fillet of mael
on a warm potato salad macel a little
seasoning salt and pepper okay good
right nice hot pan okay macarine okay
get that nice and crispy it will curl up
natur just put your fingers on and then
after about 30 seconds it starts to
release the fibers and then just settles
back down always cook macel skin side
first 90% of the cooking will take place
on its skin yeah you cook it turn it
over it gets dry very very quickly
mackerel are fish you can eat pink you
have a tart mag you eat it raw you can
you know marinate it so be very very
careful when it overcooks it gets very
very dry okay potatoes in the potatoes
have been part boiled and all you’re
doing is getting a little bit of color
in the pan sour cream a little tea tpoon
of mustard yeah mix the mustard
in you put salt and pepper on the um
potato it’s a little season yeah
definitely potatoes in okay spring
onions mix it
up with a sour cream and the mustard and
what you want is a really nice sort of
light mustard warm potato salad a little
touch of chardonney vinegar yeah it just
wakes everything up a little bit gives a
nice sharp contrast to the richness of
the sour cream okay mackerel out nicely
colored literally finish it on top s
nice and crispy yeah on
potatoes you got the crisp mackerel no
ni okay and look just to make sure that
they don’t slide all over the place take
a little spoon put that on there and
that just stops it from sliding yeah wow
our Lamb’s lettuce again just gently on
the seasoning little touch of salt
pepper and a little glaze of olive oil
once this dress give a little bit of
green okay very simple have a little
taste that’s good so lovely okay
concentrate on order four cover T 9 four
macro four pigeon four strawberry Glory
yes Che we’ll do we’ll do those two twos
as a four
Trevor Trevor we’ll do those two twos as
a for yes you got put two more in there
F me it’s going to be a long lighter
holy
[ __ ] har put your Crystal
away put your Crystal away put them away
I’ll put them away consider I got to eat
something decent tonight you are going
to get fed I mean very
much guys you’re taking really long
right me yeah but you’re taking really
long with the potatoes girlfriend come
on guys good that’s it nice right let’s
do a plate each little bit of salad
around the outside he P what you need to
do right get this ready you need to get
the salt and pepper
Sal touch salt Trevor B touch your salt
Trevor okay come on to not to watch now
are you happy with those love it would
you pay for them I would pay for them
very nice so would I let’s go onto the
hot plate let’s go take the six please
Jose now we’re doing four more
yes than you here’s the food skill I’ve
always wanted to
learn I love Chinese food but there’s
one amazing delicacy so specialized that
few Western chefs have ever mastered it
so today I’m off in search of some
Eastern culinary
wisdom this is Chinese dimsum an
absolute staple even for breakfast lunch
every day and for the first time I’m
going to learn how to cook them properly
but under immense [ __ ]
pressure dimsum means touch the heart
and it’s easy to see
why here at London’s Royal China Club
they serve a vast array of beautiful
intricate little dumplings and rolls
from all over
China what began as a simple Chinese
snack has evolved over thousands of
years into big business all over the
world helping me to demystify the
ancient world of dimsum is Chinese
cookery expert fuchsia Dunlop this is
one of the dimsum that sometimes
westerners find a bit more tricky
because it has that slithery texture
which Chinese Gourmet really adore to
eat I’m used to being boss of the
kitchen but as a dimsum virgin today I’m
happy to be the
pupil here we have the main kitchen area
Okay know these guys are very small you
I mean petite but look at the space I
mean it’s it’s minute behind here yeah
and it’s like an inferno when all the
walks are
going [ __ ] and this one here for
steaming the dim some right so you can
have a stack okay on top later my
challenge will be to get through a busy
service at this Top London dimsum
restaurant
but with just a couple of hours before
lunch I’ve got a hell of a lot to
learn for now I’ve been put under the
expert guidance of Jung if anyone can
speed teach me this incredible art he’s
my man in his 20 years as a dimsum chef
he’ll have made well over 2 million of
these tricky little
Parcels but there’s one small problem so
it doesn’t speak any English at all no
I’m screwed then nothing at all
hello good
morning no I’m
okay luckily fuchia is on hand to
translate his instructions good to see
you so what is this rice
flour my first lesson is how to make a
prom filled potato flour dumpling called
haal hold it
in just like pasta The Secret of good
dimsum is as much about the rapper as
the The Filling that’s what’s going to
hold all the flavor and moisture
in
hard so he’s going to show you how to
press the Skins now from the dough press
the
Skins unlike an Italian Kitchen there
are no past the machines in
sight Jesus so he’s using the palm of
his hand
my
God [ __ ] they’re beautiful huh they’re
so
soft Jung made it look easy now it’s my
turn Okay use this the finger of this
hand to push it just your index finger
of the right look so you’re holding this
and just pinching but you push it with
that
finger yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah
I yeah saying that them some are
particularly difficult because of all
this fine finger work and you have to be
a bit kind of calm and patient calm and
patient yeah I’m screwed straight away
right calm and patient I can’t remember
being this nervous in the kitchen and as
any Pacer Chef will tell you hot sweaty
hands are not what you need with all
this delicate work they’re so
intricate so difficult Jesus Christ
they’re extraordinary that is a lot
[ __ ] harder than it looks I tell you
such
Indy and if I thought that was difficult
I hadn’t bargained on Jung’s next lesson
Chung fun paper thin sheets of rice and
potato flour batter wrapped around a
choice of
fillings [ __ ]
hell got to get it’s really hot so the
most important thing with this is not to
be afraid of scolding your hands in the
steam
right after just 3 minutes the skin
scorching paper thin sheets of batter
are ready to be
rolled sticking to the cloth like [ __ ]
to a
blanket I haven’t felt this clumsy since
I first set foot in a kitchen 20 years
ago the real killer is to wrap the
filling tightly without splitting it
okay
[ __ ] me that was hard I mean seriously
hard very intricate it’s all in the
manipulation of the
dough with training over next I’ll be
put to the test under harder’s Nails
Henry Chow can do it this one as the
kitchen’s head chef I’m told he’s every
bit as tough as
me this is all over cooked is touch it I
no absolute rubber all right I’m sorry
what can I say Where is the Love I’m I’m
trying to [ __ ] get there get R of
that [ __ ] okay see that was the problem
you know what the problem was is that
was trying to help me oh stop trying to
blame me for do you know what take your
own responsibilities love see if I
wasn’t watching her I would have done
the ma whatever oh my God Cher I wish
your daughters were working as quick as
you two yes look at right Miss can you
do something yes I’m give me room give
me room you get salad now dress the
salad P did you do that by the salad
yeah very good come on come on come on
come on guys Diva are you happy with
those let me see yeah I’m all right with
it I’m not too crazy about those two
I’ll be straight cuz it’s curled up is
that all right I’m dad you answer the
diva at least you know see you got me
again done service [ __ ] hell last
table well
done I really enjoyed it the mat craw
itself was quite simple but you get the
kick from the mustard and the spring
onion afterwards uh really live dish up
visually look really great it lovely
green sort of color in and the yellow
was you know from the potatoes was great
um so yeah it worked really
well okay Jose results please okay the
number of diners that are willing to pay
for the starter is oh [ __ ] 45 out of
15
amazing that amazing
unbelievable now that is [ __ ] good
news yeah well done main course let’s
get 50 out of 50 yeah clear down get on
your stations let’s go right Sher gas up
let’s go good girl we on we’re on Chef
welcome back to the f word time for the
main
course pigeon breast with a summer
vegetable casserole one of my favorite
Birds very lean and very healthy salt
pepper hot pan olive oil
pigeon breast skin side down
first
turn the most exciting thing about
cooking pigeons they cook in
minutes
rest garnish for the casserole and nice
alternative to potatoes a puff pastry FL
on puff pastry cut your holes and then
cut them in half again and so you got
this really nice sort of Half Moon
shaped egg wash
salt
thyme 200° in we’re serving the pigeon
castal with a combination of delicious
and summery
vegetables smok
Panetta give The Panetta a really nice
color
garlic geroll that looks quite sort of
ainal this is a summary part
asparagus baby carrots baby leaks
blanch
beetroot the colors of that
beautiful red wine vinegar we’re going
to delay that down to a syrup which it
starts to coat the
vegetables chicken stock
taragan broad beans beautiful for the
summer the smoked petta has given body
to the vegetable casserole but the
flavors in there
oh
extraordinary slice the Pigeon in half
and you’ll see the color of the pigeon
now nice and
pink small drizzle of olive
oil half P of case on top pigeon with a
summer vegetable
casserole
done come on yes yeah 50 out 50 now come
on I I know I know Paula yes I love this
hand on HP shake shake shake huh Jesus
Christ yeah so they come out yeah we
rest them skin Side Up red wine vinegar
in let that redu down right Paula yes
get your pigeons in let’s go two
portions each right me the idea is to
color them not cremate them
yeah Trevor yes we are there beautiful
nice and
pink it’s very very nice Trevor are you
happy with that yeah sure good man make
them more like that now
done five [ __ ] hell Cal down why have
you done fine all right man H I need the
juice I need the juice man chill man
chill it’s here you want some on
mine on oh right now look at me look PA
come here I got one and a half P I’ve
only got three bits of pigeon there I
got two pits of pigeon there four bits
of pigeon there 1 2 3 4 and five bits
there come on guys we’re we’re seriously
letting ourselves down be
now no no no come here oh nice holy [ __ ]
what do you want to to [ __ ] floss
with it Jesus Christ Al
Mighty watch out jenet reporter is
getting
fruity smoothies Heavenly fruit filled
drinks mango and passion fruit raspberry
coconut and
banana the perfect way to get your or
five a day what you’ve got to be joking
who writes this
rubbish my goodness we love smoothies
don’t we in fact we drink so much of the
Ruddy stuff it could fill 14 Olympic
swimming pools in a year that’s almost
60 million pounds personally I can’t
stand smoothies but you lot seem to
think they’re a healthy antidote to 21st
century excess but are they if anyone
bothered to read the labels they might
be surprised to find out what they’re
really
drinking a typical 250 mil portion is
packed with natural sugar a portion of
this Smoothie has twice the sugar and
twice the calories as this kind of
Tango this Smoothie has got just as much
sugar in it as this chocolate bar
now this Smoothie has got twice as much
sugar and twice as much calories as this
kind of
L it’s not all bad news smoothies do
contain vitamin C and many contain fiber
too essential for a healthy digestive
system but what about the natural
sugars I want to hear the fact from Kath
Collins an expert
dietitian I’ve never ever ever drunk
smoothie to me they’re like green slurry
but they’re hugely popular well they are
because they count towards you five a
day and everyone knows we should be
eating more fruit and veg and they’re a
good source of fiber actually they do
contribute fiber the problem is they’re
full of sugar I thought it was natural
sugar sugar is sugar it has the same
calorie load same effect on your teeth
if you’re having an apple you’ve got
about 10 grams of sugar in that um if
you’re having a smoothie you can be
having three times in one little drink
you can swallow that in less than a
minute and that’s the problem it’s just
so much sugar in a very small volume
taking a very short period of time what
happens when you drink too many
smoothies if you’re in energy balance
the amount of calories you’re eating
from your daily diet is the same as the
amount your body needs if you have an
extra smoothie each day it’s giving you
at least 125 calories and over a year
that would be almost an extra stoning
weight 13 14 lbs they’re not a low
calorie drink and it is actually better
to eat the fruit than it is to buy a
smoothie it’s official drinking to
excess isn’t good for you oh it looks
disgusting this is certainly not going
to convert me I’ve had enough of this
trendy obsession with drinking fresh
fruit I’m on a mission to tell people
it’s far better for you just to eat
it now to really make my points I’ve got
here this repulsive fake ass now this
weighs
13B and that is the amount of weight you
could put on in a year if you drank one
extra smoothie every single day than
your body actually needed so let’s try
lifting
it help come
here drink one smoothie a day in
addition to your normal calorie intake
and you could put on weight but do
people know this if they’re not
exercising enough to burn off their
excess sugar they could be lumbered with
a fat ass like mine one portion of that
is got more sugar than that no did you
know that no not at all I always think
that like a smoothie would be much
better for you did a fizzy D Wow Let’s
see your are he of it £
13 are we doing any running in
that what’s the feel on bit heavy gross
I drink these cuz like they’re meant to
be good for
the fruit is better I don’t want that
bottom look just hold this bottom just
try it this is from smoothies yeah
that’s quite shocking actually when you
eat an apple yeah tastes twice as long
to eat as sloping down that smoothie do
you know how much weight you put I just
drink once one
look oh yeah just like your size in it
what you mean just like
my right get rid of him I was going to
give you a SM and bucker off now well I
think I’ve made my point with that
horrible big ass and I hope very much
that the communi of London will now
drink less smoothies and try eating a
few more of these there’s only one old
smoothie that I’ve got left to
convince
Janet good to see my hello yeah you’re
looking absolutely Rish right we’ve been
banging on about this week I’ve been
taking smoothies out and trying to
convert people to drink less smoothies
and eat more real fruit I love smoothies
what’s wrong with them how many do you
eat one a day one a day you don’t yeah
no seriously it’s a good job you’re
hyperactive are they seriously that full
of sugar they are full of natural sugar
fructose which it’s still sugar yeah so
you’re saying eat fresh fruit instead of
a smoothie I can see you’re wearing that
rubber ass it suits you it makes that Dr
I’ve got the rubber ass are you got on
we had it on I thought we had it on this
is the rubber ass you look okay oh now
that that is what Gordon’s ass is going
to look like if he carries on having a
smoothie a day for a year and if you
stop running marathons God out you
because that’s what your bum’s going to
that looks like a pair of boots not that
high up Simon C I’m going to let it go
down it’s going to Sag like everything
at 60
as Jesus
Christ you’d look nice with a nice firm
buttock like that Janet Janet don’t
forget your ass Janet
Sher yeah now the pigeon’s burnt [ __ ] me
what out yeah they’re burnt they’re
[ __ ] burnt yeah when they’re brown
yeah they cooked when they’re black
they’re [ __ ]
yeah [ __ ] hell now we’re just going
down like a [ __ ] dog dinner Mee yes
don’t go sulky and don’t give up no I
don’t give up good let’s go then go
please put the P down put the pan down
you’re on fire no no on St on the St
doing out the way [ __ ] hell watch out
why did you do that not cuz it was
burning
e Jesus okay then nice Wy okay right
Sher table of four yesable good girl
Trevor table of four yes four coming up
put on cut the stop face you please Sher
Trevor I’m loving you well done well
done well done well done well done one
talented dad Paris let’s go I don’t like
the way you right now look at me look
this is such a shame I’ve got all the
fat still in the
lons I leave
them M yeah come in man chill come in
man chill really yeah chill that’s the
story of tonight
right how are we very well good nice to
see you how was the pigeon the sauce
that was went with it I think we all
sort of thought was very very salty and
we damn salty what a shame it was a
brown chicken stock so it was sort of
there to act as a bit of a broth almost
like a sort of almost misnamed if it had
been uh pigeon of Summer vegetables with
a Jew maybe something like look at
you are you a Master Chef haven’t you
the tagum is fantastic really came
through um really fresh liquidy flavor
the pigeon was cooked really well crispy
on the outside tender in the middle I
thought it was very flavorsome it was
quite a strong um taste and yeah it was
really
lovely right Jose the amount of
customers are going to pay for the main
course out of
50 35 out of
505 oh me I
said let’s get 50 out of 50 yes
on the section let’s get going I’m
feeling great I feel it’s bit hot in the
kitchen but I feel you know I could go
again we always bicker you know but it’s
it’s so harmless it’s just a sister
thing you know
it’s well that’s because she’s the
younger one so she’s always trying to
prove a point don’t tell her I told you
you always at each other one knows the
best the other one knows the best you
know everyone knows the best and they
never know nothing next on the menu I’ve
been taught the basics of how to make
dimsum now the pressure’s really on as
I’m thrown into service coming now he’s
worse than me that [ __ ] you know that
hello and welcome back to the FW uh now
it’s time for the recipe challenge with
internationally acclaimed supermodel me
come on in okay what are you doing I’m
doing a veg Curry oh come on John you
love a vegetarian yeah I do when they’re
fast asleep what why are you doing a
veget curry well because if it doesn’t
taste nice enough I’ll just chop up a
vegetarian and put them in now that I
like the sound on right when was the
last time you practiced the dish oh
about
1947 is it a dish made rationing uh it
was yes right vegetable curry Joe’s
doing a classic and what’s the
ingredients just quickly run through and
tell me what they are and tell well
that’s an onion have you seen one before
yes and something rather uh scary you’ve
been in dea’s cupboard what is that a
jar of what that it’s a balty curry
paste you lazy bugger well what’s wrong
with being
lazy just going to chop up some garlic
and a bit of ginger and put that in as
well Joe to my horror bought in a curry
paste so easy to make coriander seeds
poppy seeds turmeric garlic ginger and
chili powder into a pesto morar then
from there a tablespoon of grounder oil
and then just a tablespoon of white wine
vinegar that forms a really nice paste
and it’s 10 times tastier than how you
know it’s really nice I know it tastes
delicious cuz I made it before you do a
lot of cooking at home don’t you yeah
just cooking that is simple and doesn’t
take very long so I can go and practice
my other hobby which is being an
alcoholic
so now you got two beautiful little
girls yeah yes yeah Maisy and Eliza
Eliza lovely how are they one’s 43 and
the other’s
two seriously no how old are they five
and seven five and seven what’ you cook
at home I do a very nice Haribo stew oh
they like and then I give them
chocolate um that’s the main call lucky
luy kids you know they must love you on
tour yes what kind of you eat I like a
nice pork pie when I’m on tour yeah
anything you can get in a garage that is
made by ginsters always does me a treat
do you know what you just make me feel
even more confident about winning you
know that huh I’ve I’ve browned my
onions and then I’ve put some pepper and
some oine in I’m just going to dice up
some potato and some cauliflower and
bung that in most daunting gig ever was
when well I think it was probably a gig
that I did up in um Bolton in a working
men’s club yeah and as one they all
shouted [ __ ] off you fat Lesar as I went
on and it’s true in the early days the
lesbians used to complain about it given
them a bad reputation right over the
years they’ve signed petitions and sent
them to me telling me to tell everyone
I’m heterosexual because it’s giving
lesbians a bad
reputation okay swep the OB jeans and
the schots down first garlic chilies
take the heat out of them in with the
broccoli and the cauliflower Peppers
hi I’m now grating some lard see that’s
my secret ingredient lard all right it’s
coconut it’s coconut it’s quite a jazzy
Curry this thing you know that huh is it
wow it sounds it you’re from Scotland AR
you yeah and they’re very healthy there
aren’t they cuz I always used to think
with Scotland you know they’ve got the
highest rate of heart disease in Europe
which means you get decent grub
there you’ve lost all of Weight haven’t
you I’ve lost a bit of weight a training
or is it through diet you know I trained
for the marathon a couple years for the
mar what happened thank Christ I had a
virus the week before so I could do it
yeah and all that training or should I I
should say Christ on telly cuz people
get upset thank
[ __ ] what you looking forward to running
the mountain well what I wasn’t looking
forward to was dying in front of
thousands of people cuzz I thought I
might cuz I’m a fat person I was a fat
Chef once were you 17 and a half Stone
in fact just under 18 Stone when I ran
my first marathon wow it was a [ __ ]
nightmare I got back it was dark the
family had [ __ ] off home and I was
picking cones up on the way home you see
that’s the thing I was worried about cuz
I estimated my time during the marathon
about 12 and 1 half hours you can do it
within 12 hours Joe come on you reckon
yeah Curry faced in little handful of
coriander rolled up and just fry off the
coriander finish with a touch of garlic
and chopped tomatoes up to the boil and
let it cook out what’s do Cook Out cook
out out the raw the raw paste um curry
paste yeah it’s very tart because it’s
all very uh raw so raw garlic raw ginger
um cook it out let it mellow can I come
and have a look at yours you can come
have a look at mine now it’s sort of
disintegrated and that looks like
something you get out of a hind tin to
me J Brad right we’re leave both C in
simmer now come back and Joe loses as
simple as
that right back to dimsum and it’s time
for
service in my quest to learn how to make
dimsum I’m about to be thrown in at the
deep end at the Royal China Club in
London this place can do over 200 covers
and like any headchef worthy salt the
uncompromising Henry Chow expects his
Brigade to jump on the orders as soon as
they come on
trouble is they’re all in Chinese how
the [ __ ] do you understand that what
does that say that says the um fresh um
shrimp Chun F FR you already know how to
make
it I’ve never been in a kitchen where
I’ve never been in control so this is
really [ __ ]
weird dish but iy call head jef Henry is
in control he’s clearly a man after my
own
heart he won’t let a morsel leave his
kitchen unless it’s absolutely
perfect understandably he’s watching his
most recent recruit like a
hawk so will my first effort past muster
with my tough new
master no no what’s wrong not
good he said it’s not all right what’s
wrong with it
it’s not tight enough it’s not W it’s
too loose it’s not wrapped tightly
enough around the do you have to do it
tightly next time
tighter [ __ ] hell
[ __ ] more
shrimp coming
nowo
Jesus I’m determined to get some of my
dim some past Henry and out to the
diners
I may be an award-winning chef but as
soon as I’m sending plates out they’re
coming
back can someone go for the soup and
give the dumpling
arrest I think fuchsia is enjoying this
a lot more than I am they’re too small
and there’s not enough filling in them
they should be a bit
Fuller it’s a pleasure to learn a new
skill but I hate getting aolin even in
translation
with service nearly over it’s my last
chance to achieve dim some Perfection
[ __ ] hell he’s worse than me that
[ __ ] you know that huh Jesus Christ
he’s happy that last one
yes really good yeah excellent happy
yeah good [ __ ] me thank [ __ ] for that
tell you Jesus
Christ that was [ __ ] phenomenal
really tough to begin with and very
intricate and who would have thought
that you’re spending £3 £450 for a bowl
of [ __ ] dimsum and they’re all made
by hand extraordinary just goes to prove
that [ __ ] Chinese cooker is not all
about a walk [ __ ] hats
off working in Henry’s kitchen has
really inspired me and with lunch
service out the way I want to show him a
dish of my
own right going to do a little um
dumping but my May and see what the guys
think
my Chinese style torini is based on a
mixture of prawns scallops and crispy
duck the texture of the scallop and the
shrimp together
delicious I’m hoping head Jeff Henry
will be so impressed he’ll put it on his
menu all that F
off and just chop that up really nice
combination the
duck I’m adding fny chopped ginger
garlic and a squeeze of lemon juice
lemon juice
in okay cand
finally some finely sliced mixed veg
texture color
in keep it nice and hole so you can
identify it
right so with these I’m borrowing a few
of John’s expertly flattened skins the
scul
up really nip it
together little
toris nice very good okay we steam now
yeah 4 minutes nice that look good so
what does the Dimson master and his
Brigade make of my duck and seafood
torini thank
you you like
Henry
little what don’t you
like 10 5 out of 10 little [ __ ] five
out 5 out of 10 hey tell him there’s no
MSG in there either huh no MSG in there
Jesus five out of 10 from these guys is
High Praise indeed in another 20 years
maybe I’ll Merit a six so it’s not going
on a special
tonight that
no tell him when he goes back to school
I’ll take over okay
yeah thank you very much thank you very
much cream
sh you’re like a [ __ ] b in a China sh
[ __ ] sake now whip put cream up let’s
go it just came off by itself guys
that’s the eject button that’s the on
button oh that’s why Misha will blame
the
apparatus strawber Glory a great way of
celebrating the best of British
strawberries strawberries half IC and
sugar
balsamic vinegar the combination of the
tartness of the vinegar against the
sweetness of the strawberries is
mind-blowing drizzle over the
strawberries IC and sugar pan nice and
hot strawberries in caramelized
literally 15 to 20 seconds a quick toss
and then back
out creme Patisserie common known as a
really nice thick custard milk cream
boil egg yolks sugar whip whip
whip
flour take out 1/3 of the cream of milk
stir once that’s liquefied put all of
your milk and your cream in there put it
back in the pan bring the custard up to
the boil which will cause it to go
really nice and
thick into the fridge to cool down cream
IC and sugar don’t over with the cream
just as it’s starting to fall through
your
whisk get your thick custard take off
one3 whisk and the rest of it straight
in look at that nice just falling
through the Whisk now for the exciting
part putting this little baby together
strawberries
juice pastry cream crushed
mering
repeat a really nice Bard vanilla ice
cream sit down on top of the thick thick
Rich custard
juice grated
chocolate it wouldn’t be complete
without one of these a good oldfashioned
British
wafer strawberry
Glory
done strawberries mering cream
strawberries mering cream ice cream
chocolate waer yeah okay sprinkle the uh
sprinkle the chocolate on top well done
sprink the chocolate off you go buddy
yet if no one pays for this dessert yeah
they don’t deserve the bean hit go
please go please come on go go go go
let’s
go me my daring yeah you with me yeah
man I’m with you man proper all right so
there you go that’s another four yeah
the Trevor Earth the Trevor there Wafers
Wafers take it take it me Wafers I’m
going to need a [ __ ] week in the
prior after this [ __ ] Serv let’s go
holy [ __ ]
what the NAU thing you two did when you
were kids I know what she did to me what
was naughty go on one day I think I was
about 9 and she stole my two P do you
remember that se it she took my two P
but you don’t understand back then two P
was like it was like10 when you were a
kid back then you know it was a lot of
money
R can I tell him the story can I tell
Indo she ran off with my two PE and ran
off was playing the game can I just tell
him the story oh for God’s sake I was
banging the door down I I want my to I
was
screaming tonight you I’m going to
forgive her right now yeah I’m sorry now
yeah right kiss makeup yes that’s nice
that’s nice and will you and will you
forgive her all right then give it back
wait there give it back give it back to
you
silly only two left let’s go May these
perfect right let’s go let’s go let’s go
right off you go you know what can I
just can I just say that I feel like a
weight has been lifted last T show
Trevor well [ __ ]
done right welcome back to the f word
and time for the results of the recipe
Challenge and for Joe BR to understand
why you should never use aborting curry
paste are you ready now this is the bit
I seriously like side by side you see
mine looks delicious and yours looks
like it’s out of a jar that’s very
cheffy Josie come back with the right
result hey good luck yeah good luck
loser thank
you just got a big bit of black pepper
in there think did you
ready M it’s very M though isn’t it it’s
not hot at all it’s got not got a
massive amount of flavor to it next one
next there’s a lot more going on there
tastes more like how do you think a
curry should taste as well isn’t it yeah
more flavor more flavor and it’s good
after taste as well it’s much
more okay here we go how you feeling
first oh very confident very confident
yes is it going to be Joe brand or Joe
Bland yeah it was actually quite close
right come on they like both who’s the
winner Gordon you did yes what was the
for Jo the fresh flavers certainly a bit
more overpowering on the coriander I
believe coriander
I did put half a tree in look at your
face you’re loving this aren’t you do
you want to do a little dance on the
pass yes excellent you know I hate
losing I’ve been waiting all day for
that one yes really good to see you
thanks but no thanks now [ __ ] up out my
kitchen yeah up
yours how Wast amazing delici I licked
my bow you licked your bow
That’s my kind of girl well done
excellent and did you man to get your
tongue all the way down to the bottom no
I had to put my finger
in happy diners I’m so pleased are you
going to pay for dessert definely
definely we’ll pay for him L really good
to see you
yes it’s extremely fresh it everything
complimented each other the juices were
gorgeous and the strawberries just
melted in your mouth gentlemen good to
see you today over Harry how are you
hello welcome hello oh thank you very
much good to see you guys how was dinner
it was fantastic yeah what did you like
about it uh the salt the salt basically
it was delicious salt was delicious cuz
you’re quite a foodie right can’t you
tell I’m a foodie I actually seduced my
wife through food Oh serious what did
you cook yeah well it was something from
A Smith book but it get away no it was
but it was 15 years ago oh 15 years ago
yeah and it was I remember it was cords
and it had Capers and it was it was
actually delicious what was it a sort of
cod cery thing anyway I won her with
that meal I never had to cook again
she’s a very good cook that’s nice you
used to date Lily Ellen’s mom at one
stage you know she’s going to be a
potential star did you could you see it
at that age uh she was always very
clever and and very very very funny and
slightly ahead of the crowd she was in
my show she was like a kid on the ne you
know we do the old GS we’d scare a kid
and she’d be there and Amy win housee
was in the far show so but quite cool
you know recently you’ve been involved
in dramas
yes yes did you run out of jint did you
go dry did you did did you oh no I just
got asked to do this skin thing I’ve
done a bit of directing and I got asked
to do some of that so I did a bit of
that they’re all very good all the all
the people in it they’re all very good
but they’re kind of young so it’s a bit
like being a school teacher cuz they
don’t really concentrate you know
they’re busy with their own lives and
doing what they’re doing so you have to
sort of go okay okay kind come on
everyone what are we doing okay now
Mitch do you remember you’re taking Coke
in this seene have you got your Coke
have you have you got your line and
you’re on smack now aren’t you T where
is your smack you haven’t got it have
you could we get the SM there’s quite a
lot of that goes on okay and
turnover
good right right Joseph please give me
the results quickly I’m [ __ ] myself
yes whatever happens I thought did
Bloody well yeah you’re fast you’re good
and more importantly you worked as a
team again yes and one thing that came
out of it you are lovely tight-knit
family well done thank you really well
done the number of guests that are going
to pay for
desserts is
50 44 out of
50 that’s good thank you
very so a grand total of 124 out of 150
well done well
done now Misha here’s the good news
sadly you’re not coming
back thanks for watching try the recipes
at home believe me they are absolutely
[ __ ] delicious good night
I’m walking away from here smiling
knowing that everybody out there was
happy once is
enough can’t take the way I well it’s
the experience of my life which I’ve
never thought I could just could do I am
absolutely
exhausted so um yeah I think it’s some
bubbly now what you think
me I want
no Fe me I
want yak
for